I had a most interesting (for lack of a better word) experience today. One that has set me thinking quite deeply on many levels. A person accused me of being jealous of them. WOW. This really stopped me dead in my tracks. Jealously is an emotion that I have not experienced for possibly 30 years….seriously! Envy, yes, but jealousy? Wow I left that behind in high school. But this has set me to pondering….
I do honestly believe this is a reality for this individual. But it is just so far out of my realm of reality that I had no response. But being of a very introspective bent, well I just had to put on my walking shoes, grab the gurlz, and head out for a long power walk to puzzle this one out. Jealousy….when I hear the word I think of high school girls and the angst that accompanies those that don't fit in with the popular crowd or make the cheerleading squad. It just does not fit into my grown up girl world. I have not experienced this emotion since my boyfriend was smitten by one of the most popular girls in school. But even then it was a wasted emotion as he ended up marrying me (and what a disaster that was).
Now envy, that is perhaps another matter. But envy in my world is not a negative word. Envy is what has kept me striving to be a better human being. I envy those who manage to do it all and do it with such grace. I envy those who consistently do the right thing. I envy those who make it look so easy and never lose their cool. But I don't waste time envying those who have more material items, money, or looks as I honestly believe those things are fleeting and are not connected to what is really truly important in life.
As an adult, I am fully aware that what we say about others really is more a statement about us than about another. Yet, I believe we must also always look into that mirror and see what is truth. Real growth comes from that deep excravation within that brings forth and promotes our authentic selves. And growth often comes about from the unexpected events that life has a habit of throwing at us.
After a good hard walk and much deep introspect I realize yet once again that we cannot control others. That perceptions are based upon personal experiences. And that, for whatever reason, some people are just not nice.