Letting Go

The past several weeks have been extremely emotionally difficult.  Last Monday on my way to work I received a call from my sister that my mom had a stroke.  I rushed to my home town to be with her.  Thankfully I got there when she could still recognize and respond to me and before she slipped into a coma.  On Saturday she passed away.  Losing your mother is something that we are never prepared for; no matter her age.  With the loss of both parents, sibling relationships take on an even deeper meaning.  My oldest sister naturally slipped into the role of parent to the rest of us; although we are all quite old ourselves.  I am slowly shifting though memories and walking that path of grief.

It is the memories that are most dear.  I can never think of my mom without thinking of her amazing talent as a seamstress and knitter.  Her sewing machine has always had a permanent place in our home and has had years of heavy sewing.  It was purchased 65 years ago and is still running strong.  I learned to sew on this machine when I was in grade school and made the majority of my clothing on it throughout high school.  I love that my sisters, who will be the keeper of her home, desire to leave it up and just as it is.


These are the hands that provided so much comfort and taught me how to cook, sew, and knit.


This is one of my favorite pictures of my mom.  She was so happy, she loved my hubby.  It is hard to believe it was just one short year ago.  She loved her sweatshirts and has a a closetful that she received as gifts.  Someday they will be made into quilts and passed to the grands who gifted them to her.


I know as time goes on I will be able to get past the deep grief and truly treasure the precious memories; it is slow in coming as grief is always so raw.

During my mother’s last days, we had to make a quick run to Nevada due to another tragedy.  Even in the midst of all the grief, I did enjoy seeing the grands.  It is for the little ones that we carry on.  They are always a source of comfort and joy.  We are still reeling from this tragedy but praying that my daughter finds the strength to get past this and carry on.

My knitting mojo seriously just went away during this deeply emotional time.  I did finish the September socks for the sock KAL.  I do not despair, however, as I know it will return.  Knitting offers a sense of comfort and is meditative.  BTW I am not happy how one sock was variegated and the other stripped.  But it was how they knitted up and I am not going to knit a third sock so they will just have to be how they are.


After all the travel it was back to work and trying to find a sense of routine and normal.  It has been difficult and the aftermath of the tragedy in my middle daughter’s life continues to have seismic aftereffects.  But by taking one day at a time we will carry on.   Work has been my salvation as there is so much to be done there that my day is filled from the minute I step in the door.  I do look forward to going to work and enjoy my time spent there; that is a huge blessing.

I did get Halloween decor up and will share that on my next blog.  For now I must away and do some school work.  I struggled to keep up with the work load in all this grief and just only got back on track.



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